Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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