Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
