one two three fourrrrnication!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
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