you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
