And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
