Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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