sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
