Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
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