mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
