from now on my penis is your penis
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
