Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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