I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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