I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I still have a little drunk in my system
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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