i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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