At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
