Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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