ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
