Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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