i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
