I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
