i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
