I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.