U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
