After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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