Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
