there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize