shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
