She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
