Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
