Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
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