I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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