god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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