Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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