They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
