I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I love you. Go after that dick
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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