Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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