I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
