I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
