I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
