I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
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Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
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You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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