booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Floor bacon is actually really good
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
