I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
