ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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