On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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