It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
