i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
