i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
