Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
