Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
