she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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