He uses pillows to masturbate.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
