sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
