this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
