textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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