I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
