Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
