So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
