I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
its not stalking. its research.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
