Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
