This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
