Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
