Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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