I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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