ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
it hurts more in the daytime
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
