Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i barfeds in our rink
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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