I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
