Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
