God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
