I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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