just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
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