don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
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The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
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Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary