i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked