yea but for you.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.