True but thats because hes a fetus.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later