found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
