i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time