The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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