Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize