jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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