Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
