I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
