GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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