Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
